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If Home Depot Carried Auto Parts and 102-Octane Fuel

Firing Up: Home Depot, perennials, and auto parts

May 29, 2018
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It never fails. Whenever I dive into some sort of “small” home improvement—or, at times, a home un-improvement project—I can count on a minimum of four trips to the hardware store as part of the drill—either Ace Hardware or Home Depot (nothing against Lowes, it’s just too far away). Ace because it’s closer to house, and Home Depot, although 1.5 miles farther, has more stuff and stays open later—both benefit me due to the projects I take on tend to last longer than originally anticipated. And since the Depot has a larger variety of products I end up buying more stuff. And if the wife comes along, the bill magically doubles in size. She has a way of finagling me over to the Lawn and Garden section where she convinces me to buy a tree or shrub that “we really need.”

So when I end up leaving the store with less stuff related to the new toilet flush valve that I actually went to buy in the first place and come home with perennials that will most likely end up dead in a month due to lack of proper care or get destroyed by my 70lb Aussie. It’s at that point I find myself wishing I’d spent my money on new car parts instead.

So listen up Home Depot, I’ve got an idea to boost your numbers and reach those aggressive annual sales goals to make the stuffy corporate dudes happy. Now, I’m betting there are a lot of car guys that could use more “one-stop-shopping” when it comes to purchasing brass backflow ball valves and AN fittings. We like a good amount of the tools you carry, but if you cut down on the décor and furniture items, you’d have plenty of room for an epic wall display of headers and exhaust systems. How cool would that be? Throw in some carburetors, fuel-injection systems, fuel pumps, pistons, oil coolers, starters, alternators, radiators, and water pumps and you’d be moving some serious product. A lot more product than those outdated Southwestern-style area rugs that just take up a bunch of store space.

The way I look at it, if Amazon can start a successful (that’s an understatement) business by selling only books, and now offer pretty much everything, then Home Depot should have no problem moving into the performance auto parts business. And should you need a national parts buyer, I know a guy … or two. I can’t help but see a huge amount of growth potential here.

Wouldn’t it be cool to drop in for some lumber and nails and at the same time pick up a new oil plan and gasket that you’ve been needing to replace on your project for the past three months but just haven’t gotten around to because those home improvement shops don’t carry the parts needed to help get the job done?

Come to think of it, while you are stocking the shelves with cams, heads, and cranks, would it be too much to ask to offer a nitrous fill station and some 102-octane fuel? Oh, and if you could sell it all at those nifty Amazon.com prices we’d greatly appreciate it.

You in?

001 Firing Up Home Depot Auto Parts 2/2

Here’s what a hardware superstore might look like if I were king.

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